I think about this every day I watch Beyonce and her serenade me with their groundbreaking smash hit "Videophone".
When Gaga and Beyonce dance side by side, it's ridiculous. Beyonce's left thigh is wider and more nourished then Gagas' entire balding, drag queen body.
But enough about them singing to me, I'd like to analyze the overabundance of hipsters who are going Gaga for Gaga! (See what I did there?!? And who said my English degree didn't pay off?)
What is it about this insane fucking wackjob that makes hipsters love her so much? Oh wait, I know what it is:
She dresses like she drank a fucking gallon of vodka and bleach on the rocks, stumbled into a storage closet, turned off all the lights and then got dressed in the dark. Seriously, I think she MAY have worn a fucking lampshade at one time or another. Gaga is the only one who could wear a fucking suit made of used condoms and coffee filters and get away with it because "her style is so unique".
Unique in the way that she dresses like she has clothes schizophrenia. It's like she puts on a shirt, realizes it isn't made of fucking electrical tape, so thus remedies the situation by wrapping tape around her thighs, before she realizes she should wear toasters for shoes.
And her stage presence? It's like a bunch of retards decided to set themselves on fire and then dance. It's uncomfortable to watch and eventually you just want to either kill yourself because of the pain your retinas were just subjected too, or vomit uncontrollably.
And that my friends is why hipsters love her so much; because she like all of them tries way too hard.
Her music is mediocre at best; substance-less dance music full of such moving, literary lyrics like "Oh you can't see my poker face". No shit Gag-me, I highly doubt you play poker, unless of course by poker you mean sticking your finger into an electrical socket while soaking wet.
Thus, to compensate for the lack of her musical prowess she feels like she should dress like the love child of Wesley Willis and a glow in the dark cheetah.
And again, that is why hipsters love her. Since a lot of them are devoid of having their own style and thus borrow mindlessly from other hipsters (who all seem to subscribe to the notion of the more you look like a grandma, the more awesome you are) and other pools of fashion, it's no surprise that they embrace Gag-me as a cultural hero; a champion for their cause of attempting to be understood and accepted for their uniqueness in this mainstream world!
It's a fine line between being weird and eccentric and being a douchenozzle who does things for the sake of attention (because otherwise they suck and would just drift into oblivion.) Remember Marilyn Manson? Yeah, Gag-me is the current incarnation of him; acting and dressing weird to make up for the abysmal shit they create that they call music. I love Salvador Dali; that man was the definition of weird.
Gag-me is the opposite. She just sucks. I dread her red-carpet appearances because every news outlet feels the need to cover what Gag-me wore; a stunning Vera Wang dress ran through a wood-chipper tied together by photos of Taiwanese school children!
Everything about her is the embodiment of 90% of hipster culture.
Sucky, trying too hard, and being a mindless clown of what's considered "cool".
It's a terrifying new world for hipsters.
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